Moscow, Russia

Today is the two month anniversary of the start of my trip. I think I get it: the Russian word for water is "voda," meaning that to Russians, vodka is only one letter away from being a necessity to survival. Russians are still bigger assholes than Assemblyman Mike Duvall, but I'm having more fun today than I did yesterday. Although I knew Russians were rude, I never imagined the magnitude and it was an unpleasant surprise. Yesterday was just a little too intense. But I went back to Red Square today, and the city really just is beautiful. If only it weren't full of Russians. I went inside St. Basil's Cathedral. Who the hell thought to build something that looks like that? The same people who successfully marketed the Lesbian pop duo "Tatu," that's who. This eccentricity is why I was fascinated by Russia. In the capital of the communist empire, I saw a cafe called "Uncle Sam's Cafe" with the big picture of Uncle Sam doing his "I Want You" point. I've also seen a few buildings that still have the hammer and sickle on them. I thought they would have torn it down, but they haven't. It seems like they took every historical building and made it into a shopping mall. I like these places because they're full of young Russians, who seem much happier and nicer than their parents. These people were born in the 1980s and therefore have lived most of their lives after the Soviet Union. There's actually a Wikipedia article called "New Russians." Now that I'm here I truly understand the meaning of the term: people who are "Russian" rather than "Soviet," and today being one and not the other has a new meaning. Still, most people are assholes. The female situation is way out of control. I just look around and say to myself, wait, this doesn't make sense, they are all beautiful. How could that be? Come on, it's not possible that they're ALL beautiful. It's just genetically impossible. But not in Russia, apparently. In my opinion it blows Argentina out of the water, but I acknowledge that this is open to debate. If there were a Ralphs grocery store in Moscow, we would be calling a code 10 every minute of every day. I know nobody reading this will understand that. Being in a place with a 90% hotness level I can't help but ask myself what the hell is wrong with American women. Then I get it: any Russian woman over 30 is hideous - again, the whole pre-1980, post-1980 thing. At least I hope that's the reason and that this generation will hold up better, since I would like to bring one of these back with me as a funky souvenir. On a final note, I have been fondly reminiscing of the days when we used to spend hours upon hours playing 007 Golden Eye for N64, which had the level where you were driving a tank down the streets of Moscow. Now that I'm actually here I realize just how good of a job the video game designers did in recreating the city. Makes me feel like I've been here before, albeit crashing through it with a tank.

One month ago I was in Dubai.
Two months ago I was in Cairo.