Delhi, India

Last night I ate at TGI Fridays, in keeping with my attempts to avoid all things Indian as much as I can and support American cultural institutions while in this country which I hate. There was not a trace of beef on the menu. The burgers are made with lamb. I know my posts have been very negative and angry lately, but this has been by far the low point in my trip. If I reread some of my posts I realize it looks like I’m preparing to write a book called “Your Country Sucks,” in which I individually address the people of each country in the world and tell them why they’re stupid. The India chapter would be very thick. But just to clarify, there have been several countries, both on this trip and on my past trips, which I have enjoyed. I had a great time in Jordan, Lebanon and Syria. These are wonderful countries and I would return in a heartbeat. Also, Oman is very beautiful and all of the Gulf states are nice despite there not being anything to see. The only countries I have complained about are Egypt and India. I think that to enjoy India you have to fit into at least one of the following three categories:
1) have a strong interest in the local culture and/or history and/or a strong desire to see specific sites
2) be a stupid hippy who thinks that seeing poverty makes you more worldly
3) be attempting to drop out of society
Unfortunately, I fit into none of these categories so it’s been a nightmare. But tomorrow insha’allah I should be on my way to Kazakhstan. I very excite! Although I’ll be happy to move on from India, I know full well that what I encounter in Central Asia could be worse. But I’m optimistic and trying to keep an open mind. While planning the trip I acknowledged that this leg of the journey through the Soviet states would be the most difficult part of the journey for several reasons, but mainly the weather, the bureaucracy and my inability to speak the local language. But my desire to go there has been strong for about ten years. I’ve known several people from the Former USSR, and although some of them I still consider close friends, they are without exception the most vile, foul and all around awful people I’ve ever known, a fact which has only fueled my morbid curiosity for what I imagine must be a truly hellish part of the world. Everyone who worked at the embassy was ethnically Asian, but supposedly Kazakhstan still has a very large population of Russians. The embassy had a glossy pamphlet called “Kazakhstan: Unity in Diversity” with color photographs of ethinc Kazakhs and ethnic Russians getting along. They’re trying to promote the use of the term “Kazakhstani” to describe a citizen of Kazakhstan regardless of ethnicity, and to restrict the term “Kazakh” to somebody of ethnic Kazakh ancestry regardless of their country of citizenship. Despite having known so many Russophones over the years, I only know a few words of Russian: da (yes), nyet (no), vozmozhnoe (maybe), atibis (fuck you), idi nahui (go fuck yourself), shwabra spierma (jizz mop) and the word I have had to use the most, suka (bitch). The word for hello, zdrastvuytye, reminds me of the safe word from Euro Trip and I have never mastered its correct pronunciation. Every time I think I get close, my Russian speaking friends tell me that what’s coming out of my mouth is completely wrong and sounds ridiculous. I’ve always divided Russian women into three categories: Olgas (uglies), Svetlanas (hotties) and Ice Crushers (self-explanatory). Recently I have come to realize that there is actually a fourth category, consisting of women who are not necessarily ugly but who look too intensely Slavic to be attractive. For lack of a better term I will call them Oxanas.